Marriage Material: Single-minded
TO START
Most people have a funny dating story. Share a time when you acted ridiculous on a date. OR Share your favorite places to take a date (spouses included).
If you have a group member who has intentionally chosen (or is called by God) to remain single, perhaps you’ll want to skip this. Be sensitive.
DISCUSSION
This week, let’s have a conversation.
If your group includes both singles and married people , take a minute to ask each other questions. Here are a few examples:
Single people , ask your married friends...
What do you wish you’d done more of while you were single?
What do you wish you’d done less of?
What can I do to better prepare myself for marriage (if that’s the goal)?
If you intend to stay single, How do I develop friendships and maintain meaningful relationships with married people? OR How would you use your time if you didn’t have to devote so much to marriage and family?
Married people , ask your single friends...
Do you want to be single? Are you called to singleness?
If so, how can I be a resource to you in your commitment to stay single? If not, what can I do to help you in your pursuit of marriage?
What’s hard about being single?
What’s a gift in being single?
Do you ever feel like being single makes you an outsider at church? If so, What could I do to help you feel more connected?
If you have any divorced members in your small group, consider asking them what they wished they’d done before they got married that might have perhaps altered the course of their marriage. Divorced singles might also have a much different perspective on singleness. Be considerate. Make sure the discussion makes sense in their context.
At the end of your discussion, pray over each other. Have married members pray over the singles and singles pray over the married members.
If your group is all married people...
What can you do to better support, encourage, and love the singles in your life?
What are the single people around you struggling with? How could you ease those struggles? Make a list of singles you know and love. Pray over them by name.
OTHER DISCUSSION IDEAS:
Walking by the Spirit, Not by the Flesh
What does it look like to walk by the Spirit? Give examples.
What does it look like to walk by the flesh? Examples?
Have you ever spent a season walking by the flesh? What does it feel like? What were the consequences?
What are the consequences of walking by the Spirit?
Why is it so hard to believe God when He says walking by the Spirit is what’s good for us? What can we do to build our trust in God’s plan for our behavior?
Loneliness
Married or single folks, do you ever feel lonely, unloved, or like you don’t belong? Share with the group.
Why do you think you feel this way?
What do you do to cope with it?
What might be some good steps to take when you’re feeling lonely?
Stewarding Time
Do you feel like you’re using your time as best you can to the glory of God?
What time-wasters should you give up to better commit your time to God?
Taking Risks
The Apostle Paul says that single people are more free to take risks for the kingdom than married people. Singles, what risks are you taking for the Kingdom? What risks might God be calling you to take?
Married people, how can you empower your spouse to take risks of faith? Have you ever held your spouse back from acting in faith? Do you regret it?
Why is it so hard to take risks, even when we know God is calling us and walking beside us? If it's not hard for you, share with the group why you think that might be.
SCRIPTURE READING Proverbs 7:6-27
As you read this passage, consider (and remind your group) that anyone can be tempted by the adulterous woman (singles and married people alike) AND that the adulterous woman can just as soon be the adulterous man.
● What can we learn from this example?
● What precautions can we take if we want to walk in the way of the Spirit?
PRAYER
This week, pray for your singles or for the singles you know and love. Remember, not all singles want to get married. Pray for their path, too.
WATCH
Pastor Matt Chandler on not squandering your singleness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW5B0OTrWMU
TAKE A QUIZ
Use this list of “8 Signs You’re Not Ready For a Relationship” (from eHarmony) as a quiz. How many of these traits do you have? Married people can play, too.
1. Your compass is not pointing north (You end up in relationships you know will be bad for you).
2. You need a relationship to feel happy.
3. You believe you can save him/her.
4. You’re looking for someone to save you.
5. You’re looking for someone to complete you.
6. You’re spending more time pursuing love than pursuing your interests (including pursuing the good work God’s calling you to).
7. You haven’t unpacked your baggage.
8. You’re bending and twisting yourself like a pretzel to fit what you think the person you’re attracted to might like.
Discuss your results by sharing any of the the things you struggle with from the list.